May 4
Rent-A-Republican
We have a mixed bag of them, depending on what you want them to do.
We’ve known this all along: Republicans are low-rent. They lie, steal, bribe, legislate against women, mistreat women (even if a bunch of them are women), hire hookers, make it hard to vote, make it easy to get guns, try to deny elections, manipulate the media, and did I say lie.
We at Rent-a-Republican think this is the kind of diverse background for a discriminating thief like yourself. Now that Trump lost and all his goons are out of work, they’ve made themselves available by the hour.
Think of it! MAGA executives! Experienced racketeers working personally for you! No we don’t fool around with photos of your husband with a hussy! Well, cough-cough, we can arrange that but we’d prefer to steal you a country. Tell us what kind of climate you prefer and we’ll get back to you. Real estate prices in Russia are looking good, BTW.
So visit our web site for more details = rentarepublican@mar.a.lago.com. Visa, Mastercard and 5% Cash Discount. Special this month, freshman senators and representatives, rent one get one free. But you have to get them laid.
